On my lunch break at work I usually take advantage of several local and convenient fast food establishments in the area. I mainly do this because I am too lazy to pack my own lunch. For variety and cost effectiveness I usually visit Subway once a week. Every time I visit this establishment, I run into several types of customers that can easily be categorized.
The Pickup Bitch
Some low rank peon from a local business that always has to walk in with his list for 50 sandwiches for their coworkers. Heaven forbid this inconsiderate douchebag calls his order in ahead of time, or better yet, Subway dedicate "one" employee to this ridiculous order while the other employee starts taking orders.
The Cell Phone Customer
Even though there are several signs posted about ordering while talking on your cell phone, apparently these customers are illiterate or could give a shit. I love how these people have the audacity to act as if their conversation about "nothing " is "so important" that they cannot stop to place an order.
These assholes really bring my piss to a boil when they are ahead of me. They purposely nitpick about everything the employee is doing during their sandwich process, and thrive on back talk from the employee just to bust out the predictable “I want to talk to your manager”. These pricks are usually unemployed or have no control in their life, so the only satisfaction they have is bossing around some worker at Subway as if making their sandwich is the most important thing on earth.
The Storytelling Customer
These poor bastards want to tell their life story while they select toppings on a sandwich. I once had to wait ten minutes in line behind some moron, who had to elaborate on an experience they once had with each topping, and why they do or do not like it on their sandwich because of some past experience.
This customer can usually be a pain in the ass but seldomly has unpredictable entertaining results. One example comes to mind when one guy just kept demanding more olives until his whole sandwich was so full of them that the employee said, " I cannot fit anymore on here sir". Just then the guy said "I do not need to put up with this shit" and leaves without paying for some nasty sandwich left in the employee’s hand.
Another instance I can recall was when some local hobo (I deduced this by his fashionable garb, body odor and whiskey scented breath) demanded a cup. The manager told him he must purchase a drink to have a cup and that he could not just have an empty cup. The hobo yelled “NOT A FINGER!” at the manager and then knocked over some chairs and left.
The 20 Question Game Player
This dipshit has to ask about every special, combo, and offer before they make one decision. My favorite is when they basically imply that they want the employee to make the decision for them, but bitch about the suggestions the employee makes. If these assholes knew what they wanted in the first place, this whole scenerio could be avoided.
This tightwad questions every extra charge during the process as if there is some hidden fee and the sandwich is going to turn out to be $100.00 at the checkout. If this person is so damn concerned about spending money why the hell are they out spending money instead of eating some cheapass homemade lunch?
The Coupon Customer
This shit gets ridiculous with these people. They demand things the coupon does not even usually state, and to top it off, the coupon is almost always expired. After they are informed their coupon is not valid due to expiration or to be used with other purchases, they holler at the employee as if they were maliciously attacked and demand a substitute or similar discount.
These types of customers need to serve people just like themselves for their eternity in hell to justify how much bullshit they have caused and time wasted for normal customers in their lifetime.